Days 233 and 232

Day 233

Yesterday was Friday, and I really like Fridays. I like Fridays even better when it's before a week off of work, but I'll take my weekends as they come. What's even better about this Friday was that I actually slept for a beautifully, undisturbed eight hours straight. The lavender linen spray I've been using must finally be working. Either that, or my body was just so exhausted, it took full advantage of having an empty house. I spent the evening trying to figure out what I wanted to be when I grow up. I found a program in forensic psychology with a specialization in psychology and legal systems. It's a far reach from school counseling, but I want to help people, and the school systems across the nation are taking such huge hits I don't know that I'll be able to get into the field. I have some time to figure it all out I suppose, but I've always liked having a plan. So the day went by relatively quickly at work, I had dinner with my awesome husband at his new station, and then I spent the evening in bed with my laptop dreaming of what is to come...

Day 232

Caffeine is an evil necessasity, and I haven't had any yet. But in about 20 minutes I won't have a quiet house anymore in which to relay my thoughts semi-coherently. All I have for homework is responding to some discussion questions, and then I'm looking forward to spending the day with my men. But the real fun comes tonight...my husband and I have agreed to let our little man have a sleep over. So I will have a six almost 7 year old AND a 9 year old in my house for the evening. I really hope patience shows up for this little endeavor, she'd really be the guest of honor. For now, I need coffee. Perhaps I'll find a little quiet corner later to write more. I have much that I need to figure out.

Day 234

So it's been about 110 days since my last post. 10 days after my last post, I started my new job. Compared to what I was making previously I took about a $10k pay cut, but guess what? I'm loving my new job AND it's in my field! Hope finally evolved into motivation. It was a fine day that I never thought would arrive. Motivation is my support for the days I'm really missing being home with my amazingly supportive family and putting up with stresses at work. Reading back through my first 21 days of being 29, I long for the creativity that used to come so easily in my words. It's been a hell of an adjustment period, this last 110 days that I've been absent! I'm back in the wake up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, do homework, try to relax with my men, and then off to bed mode. It seems a never ending cycle, and it can be trying at times..that and it sucks every ounce of energy I have.

On a separate but related note, school is going well. I'm happy to announce that I will have my bachelor's in pscyhology with a concentration in graduate studies no later than January 2011! Hopefully, I will have it before I'm 30 (by November), but if not, I'm happy either way. It was kind of a shock to me when I found this news out earlier this week; as I've just been plucking away and registering for whatever I could after each set of clsses ends. So now onto the next big thing. My masters......which eludes to part of the reason I have the urge to see my thoughts via my blog again.

I have way too much on my plate right now. While adjusting to work (and with an unruly, abrasive, and rude coworker), I'm trying to maintain the positive attitude I had when it was only hope moving me forward. Now that hope has evolved into motivation, I feel that my hunger for more has exceeded my fill capacity once again. A couple of old friends, anxiety, insomnia, and nightmares have returned this past week. Anxiety just kind of lurks in the shadows while insomnia and nightmares try to party with me every night. I don't know if it was the shock that I'm about to hit another milestone on my list of goals, or just the additional stress that is about to ensue. Maybe it's the constant juggling act I feel I run through every single day? All of the above? Either way, sleep is avoiding me at all costs, as if I have uncurable body odor, and it can't stand to be around me. So tonight I'll spray my lavender and vanilla linen spray on my bed and hope I can trick sleep into thinking I smell good again....

Day 344

So a week has gone by since my last post. I really thought I would have more of a relationship with time but tis a new year now, and I'm hoping to rebuild that structure with her. She seems so fleeting it's hard to tie her down into a neat tidy schedule. But alas, today she is here with me as we both wait patiently for my husband to text or call me after yet another big fire. Still no word on the paperwork yet for the new job, and to be honest, I really wasn't expecting them to call while they were on break, which I said before. It's ok. I have good feelings for 2010. I really do. My relationship with my son is awesome, and my marriage is stronger than ever. I have wonderful friends and family, and my cup of hope is bubbling again.

Today I fully plan on enjoying a relaxing day with my beautiful blue eyed angel of a son. This may be one of our last mommy and Lil Man days since I hope to be starting work soon. One thing I know for sure, my husband and I are happy the holidays are over. IT's awesome to watch our little boy's face light up as he unwraps each treasure, but the added stress of family visits etc has finally, and thankfully, ended.

Which leads me to thinking about some people in my life I have come to the conclusion I will never understand; and that make me even more thankful of the relationship I have with my husband. In fact, thought it's on my mind, I don't even think I'll talk about them. I wil just say that I hope they get their act together, find a happy place, and quit yo-yoing their kids through their own emotional turmoil.

So what will 2010 bring for us? A new career for me hopefully, less stress, more financial stability, and a great year with my two men. So yes, hope is bubbling over, refreshed and ready to face any challenges that come her way...