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The cup of hope dried, in fact it spontaneously combusted today. Nothing like setting someone's expectations for one thing and then kicking them in the teeth. Yes, I still got the job, but I was counting on a refund disbursement from my financial aid to push us through until I got that first paycheck. After speaking with two different people I was told it would be here the end of this month, and after checking today, I'm being told it will not be until the end of next month. So here comes the panic of trying to get money together for rent, car insurance and the other bills we have at the beginning of the month.

I know I should focus on the fact that I will be starting work soon, and I'm grateful for that, but grateful does not outweigh panic. In fact they're no where near the same weight class. The first thing I thought about was the look on my son's face if I had to return the presents I just so happily bought him yesterday. I couldn't bare it. So I am forced to figure something out. Is there a way to get blood from a stone or sell a body part for a money tree? Today it feels like two steps forward ten steps back. Can I just wake up from this dream please?