Day 357 & 356

357
Cookies, cookies, and more cookies! Yesterday was fun, there was singing and dancing around the kitchen listening to Christmas music. Despite hope starting to fill up again making me a bit anxious about the messes she makes, it was a great day. Trying to stay focused on Christmas or any big event in that matter is a bit difficult when you have things weighing heavily on your shoulders. Will my book loan drop? Will they call me this week so I can start my job on the 4th? Will we have enough money for rent?? Those questions plague me like an overweight shadow. Yet I find myself just pushing forward.

356
Woke up today and there's frost on the ground! It was only 29 degrees here! Yay! It finally feels like winter! Though I know better than to assume it's here to stay. This is South Carolina. By Thursday it's supposed to be 64 degrees again and rainy. Bah humbug I say! I miss my four seasons. I miss my friends and family back home. Beyond what troubles me in the back of my mind already, this is always a hard time of year for me. I'm grateful for my mom and everything we get to share each year. I wouldn't really trade it, except to have her AND my friends and family back home near. It saddens me a bit to think of the relationship as distant as it is between my dad and son. He loves his Papa so much! As time passes, I also have that faint worry about something happening to my dad and not being able to get there. Morbid I know especially to be thinking about 4 days before Christmas; but I can't help think of the people I left behind in MN this time of year. I miss them terrible. Especially my sanctuary when I would get stressed out. I could hide away at dad's for the weekend and just let it ride, mull things over, and come out ok by the end of the weekend.

Time goes by so fast. I realized it's precious and we have to make the most of it. Today when the Lil Man awakens, mom will head over and we'll all finish off the baking extravaganza that is cookie baking. So reflection snuck in quietly for a visit, and I'll keep in mind it will be her branding today's memories into my thoughts.